The Bunchionary (and its affiliated parent companies and subsidiaries) has a long history at the forefront of employee health issues. That is why, as of today, we will be implementing mandatory coffee consumption by our employees. Aside from the increase in productivity, this coffee consumption will also have the following positive benefits:
"There's evidence, Arab noted, that the beverage may protect against certain types of colon cancer, as well as rectal and liver cancer, possibly by reducing the amount of cholesterol, bile acid and natural sterol secretion in the colon, speeding up the passage of stool through the colon (and thus cutting exposure of the lining of the intestine to potential carcinogens in food), and via other mechanisms as well."
As you can imagine, the savings on our medical accounts should more than pay for this program. If you have any questions, or do not receive your Bunchionary-issued coffee carafe, please contact HR.
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